Ego.

Im sorry ma.
But I will try to not to receive any money from you.
For the time being.
Until masuk U nanti.

I dont know why.
But I think I owe you a lot.

Dont worry.
I still have my matrix punya allowance.
Soo.. pakai duit tu je dulu.

Seriously, you have already bought me a lot of stuffs.
And I am very thankful.

Kadang kadang terasa malu pulak.
Dah besar panjang, but still using your money.
Nak tu lah, nak ni lah.

Soo, nak rasa jugak kumpul/spend duit sendiri.

Sorry. And thank you.

To go, or not to go?

Hafiz texted me and he asked me to watch movie together with him tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow.
And dia baru tanya tadi.
Bijak bijak. Apa apa je lah.
Its never too late pun.

Seriously I have no problem going out with him,
But bila fikirfikir balik,
wouldnt it be soo awkward if its just the two of us?
He pick me up and.. just me and hafiz in the car?

Hmmm.
Before ni ada jugak keluar dengan dia.
But that time ada lagi sorang.
Mamat mana entah.
So tade lah rasa awkward sangat.

But.. what about tomorrow?
I have already said yes.
BECAUSE I WAS TOOOOO BORED. SERIOUSLY BORED.
So bila dah ada orang ajak, okay je lah.

Bukan tanak keluar,
but, Hafiz and me,
Kita bukanlah rapat sangat.
He used to like me.. dulu.
But tatau lah sekarang kan.
Hopefully tade dahh.
Tapi honestly, mesti tatau nak cakap apa nanti.

Haihhh tengok lah apa jadi esok. Berserah je T_T

This is so not me!

Yes.
This is so not me!
I am not the kind of girl yang macam ni
In fact, I am not supposed to be the kind of girl yang macam ni!
Macam lifeless je.

That kind of girl?
The kind of girl yang macam mana?

Yang bangun awal pagi. Pastu tidur balik sampai lewat tengahari.
Lepas bangun terus tengok tv.

Yang spend time the whole evening watching tv or surf internet.
Lagi lagi tengok korean dramas/korean variety shows.

Yang lepas solat maghrib, terus tengok lagi koren thingy ni.

Yang waktu makan pun dah tak fix. Berserabut habis.
And Im getting skinnier because of this.

Yang tidur lambat, and esoknya ulang balik benda yang sama.

Kenapa Dila? Kenapa? Kenapa kau macam ni sekali?
Oh yes. Im not blamming anybody seriously.
But I think this might be the reasons.

MAYBE because my friends semua dah start sambung study. They left me alone here.

MAYBE because I didnt manage my time well? Err, or MAYBE because I didnt plan anything good and beneficial for me to do at home. For me to spend my time wisefully.

MAYBE because I dont have any car (yet) for me to go wherever I want.

MAYBE because my parents, my brother are always not at home. I mean, working.

MAYBE because.. LIFE IS JUST SOO BORING?

Ahhhh I didnt mean it though.
But thats how I feel now.
I feel useless.
Seriously Honestly Desperately USELESS now.
Why oh why.

I am really hoping for something good to happen to me.
Something fun? To make me smile, to make me laugh like hell again? Macam dulu
No? Haiiihhh I dont know. I am just hoping.
You see. This is just not me.
I dont like being in this kind of situation.
Im seriously depressed. And yeah, Im lonely too.
No one is here for me :'(

I AM SERIOUSLY BORED. AND I SERIOUSLY DONT LIKE MY ROUTINE NOW.

Like, Im stuck. I couldnt go anywhere. I just have to stay here, at home. And figure out something to do to cheer me up.