Dear Nurin,

First of all, I just want you to know that I actually have no idea what Im going to say here, Really. I just thought that maybe you need some support or advice or anything lah that can comfort you.

Yep, this post is basically about your (our) past. I hope you dont mind. But if you do, just ignore tau. hihi.

Sorry kalau buat kau teringat semula kisahkisah lama yang pahit tu.
But just take this words in a positive way okay.
I just wanna share some stories, some pains, and all those feelings that I've felt all this time. And how can I get over it. (well, im still trying though)
Well, I dont know how to start but I think you should know a lil bit of my stories so that you will not be confused hehe.

So, I was in a relationship with this one guy, my schoolmate at Sakti masa late 2010. Tak lah lama sangat, setakat setahun lebih je, cant really remember.

For your story, I dont know whether you've been betrayed by him, or he suddenly wanna break up for no reasons, or whatever. I dont know. But one thing for sure, I really can understand your feeling. As for my story, simple je. I did a mistake. He forgive me, but he said he would never gonna come back to me again. And that was very frustrating/sad/disappointing and all.

Hmmm.
When he's not around, aku mmg ada rasa lemah sikit.
I cried EVERYDAY. All day long. Trust me.
I cried and cried and cried for almost three months.
I called him many times, and text him very often.
Just to know what was he doing and of course, to not let him forget me.
I was really hoping for my second chance, too bad, I didnt get any.

It was a very hard time for me.
Just imagine, pergi kuliah menangis, dalam kuliah menangis, keluar kuliah pun menangis.
Dalam bilik pun menangis mcm orang gila sampai my roommates semua tatau nak buat apa dah.
I skipped my meals. That time, mcm tade selera nak makan.
My eyes, mmg dah mcm panda eyes, my face looked vey pale.
my classmates masa kat matriks were wondering what had happened to me.
Assignments semua jangan cerita lah, memang tak buat. Buat mana yang tau je.
Even my lecturers suruh I jumpa doctor.
FOR THREE MONTHS, nurin.
All I ever think about that time, was him.

All the pain that I've felt, Only God knows how sakitnyaa, sayunyaaa, sunyinya hati ni.
Wherever I went, whatever I did, he will always gonna appear infront of me. Mesti terbayang dia. Kadang kadang sampai cakap sorangsorang kononkonon dia ada kat sebelah.
I keep on checking his FB's wall and skype.
Because that was the only way that can make me know what was he up to.
I really regret losing him, I just wanted him to know that I still love him so much.
(masa tu lah)

Lepas we broke up, I was not the girl that I used to be anymore.
I started to minimize my friends.
I didnt really care about anybody anymore.
I didnt talk much and yeah, I was not really interested in guys.
I just need my parents. Thats all.

Yeah, memang sedih/kecewa sangat.
Lagi sedih hati ni bila dapat tau he now has a new gf.
The hell kan? Haha.
Masa tu mmg tak boleh describe lah feeling ni.
HANCUR BERDERAI.
Rasa mcm tak boleh nak cantumkan balik all the pieces too. really.
Beacuse masa tu I was really trying hard to get him back, tapi dia dah ada yang lain.
Lagi sedih and lagi banyak air mata. sampai dah tak cukup air mata hihi.
Eventough my friends semua pujukpujuk and tried to make me laugh/be happy, jauhhhhh dalam hati ni, masih rasa sedih.
I boleh ketawa, tapi ketawa tu mcm fake. I rasa, kalau I dapat dia balik, baru I boleh happy se-happy happy-nya.

But.. time after time, until now, Im starting to get better.
I tried to forget him by making myself busy.
Lepak with my friends, pergi shopping lah and etc.
Kalau tibatiba I teringat pasal dia, I will immediately distract myself dengan sengaja.
I dah tak sms/call dia.
Apa lagi nak check facebook dia tu semua kan.

Masa ni lah baru I sedar yang kita ni, perempuan, memang sangat kuat.
Kekuatan kita terletak dalam diri kita. Bukan pada luaran.
Kalau I tak kuat, I takkan mungkin dapat lupakan orang yang I paling sayang.

Dia sangat baik orangnya.
Tak pernah mengongkong/marah.
I love talking to him. I miss talking to him.
I can tell him everything. EVERYTHING.
cause dia sangat memahami.
I know he still loves me. And he knows I still love him.
But we just couldnt get back together.
It would be very awkward. Come on, it has been one year dah since we broke up.

But sometimes, I do feel like I dont wanna have anything related to him anymore.
I mean, macam..
I wanna block him from my facebook.
I wanna throw away his shirts and all his gifts.
I wanna delete his number from my cellphone and all.
sebab, thinking of him doesnt make me remember all of the good/sweeet memories of us, It will only make me remember about all the pains Ive felt.

BUT I JUST CANT. WHY? sebab jauh jauh jauh dalam hati ni, masih ada rasa sayang.
Biarlah I je yang tau. Dia tapayah tau pun takpe. Lagi satu, for me, I rasa mcm tak baikbuat mcm tu. I didnt throw it, but I keep it in a place yang tertutup so that I tak selalu nampak. Kalau nampak nanti, mesti rasa sedih.

Yeah, as what I told you before, we may forget all the memories with him, but we could never fix the scar in our heart. And there's still this one little tiny space in our heart, just for him.
I dont know bout you, but now, everytime I think about him, hati ni mesti automatically rasa sakit sikit.

Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tak jealous tengok couple couple kat luar tu.
Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tanak cari lelaki lain.
Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tanak rasa disayangi mcm dulu.
You know, I miss all that cute/common things yang kita buat dengan boyfriend.

eg ;
bergayut tengah malam
texting manja manja pastu senyum sorangsorang
kena panggil "sayang" and all that

Tapii.. I dont think its the time yet.
Kadang kadang rasa macam bazir masa pulak.
Hati sendiri pun tak terjaga, ni lagi nak jaga hati orang lain.
Lagi pun, I dah mcm trauma dengan kejadian dulu tu.
Im afraid I'll go through the same pain again, or even worst? Who knows kan.
So, to be safe, I'd rather not to have any relationship right now.
I just wanna focus on my studies and just be friends with everybody.
Its not a shame pun kalau takde boyfriend.
I leave all this kind of thing to God because he knows whats best for me, for us.

Past is past. Theres nothing we can change about our pasts.
But the future now depends on us. Kan?
So kalau tanak benda yang sama berulang lagi, better be careful and always take care of ourselves.

You know, sometimes I rasa semua ni mmg patut berlaku.
Sebab this pain memories make me discover another new side of me.
Its not easy to be strong.

Tuhan tu kan Maha Bijaksana.
Mesti semua ni ada hikmahnya.
Cuma kita nampak ke tak nampak hikmahnya.

Nurin, I dont know whether this helps your or not.
But I do hope that you can get rid of your past.
And live your life to the max!

And remember, bukan kita yang rugi kehilangan dia.
Tapi dia yang rugi kehilangan kita :)

xoxo Take Care!

PS // Baru perasan blog kita sama design lah hehe.

Copy and Paste.

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Nikon D90 to explore!

Okay, this is not officially my camera. This is for family use lah.
But still, when people ask me whos camera is this,
Duh what more to say, mestilah kita akan cakap camera kita kan.

But basically, my mom bought this camera for me to explore, to learn more about photohgraphy.
I dont know, but maybe she thinks that I am good at taking pictures (sometimes) and also, I love making short videos. ( so-so lah )
And among all my family members, I am the one who always stick to my camera 24-7 hehe

THANKS MA! <3

So, Ive been having private class every tuesday.
To learn photography of course.
But just dont put high expectations on me since all the photos that I took were not good enough. Yet.
Awh I feel really bad.
And mom, dont be sooo dissapointed pasal semua photo that I took masa program Bersamamu Century tuu :(
Yeah, Im still learning.
It takes time kan.

I am now, soooo madly in love with this camera.
Yeah, as many people would say ;
Canon specially made for quantity.
While Nikon specially made for quality.

That is so true. (I guess?)
My D90 is not bad.
Just that, I need to explore more.

Selain kelas kelas tu semua,
I am also watching tutorials for DSLR kay youtube, especially Nikon D90 lah kan.
Ive learned a lot.
And I hope ilmu ilmu ni boleh dipakai for raya.

Lain tau.
Ada certain people beli DSLR just because orang lain beli, and just for fun.
And bila dila amik gambar mcm mana pun,
dia still rasa satisfied cause dia pakai DSLR.
Hm.

But for me,
since Ive learned about photography (a bit)
Now I know how to differentiate good photos and not-so-good photos.
Kadang kadang orang cakap gambar tu lawa,
but for me, tak cukup lagi.
Kena buat lagi better.
And I still need to explore more.

Haaa gitu :D
Again, Thanks a lot Ma.

Ramadhan in memories.

Well, theres actually a lot of memories during my Ramdhan for all these years.
Memang syok.

Family members all get together buka sama sama. How happy kan!
Pergi bazar Ramadhan yang memang sesak gila and of course, banyak makanan yang mengiurkan hee.
Tolong my maid masak masak for buka. Ahh that feeling when my family puji masakan tu!
And of course, bila kawan kawan ajak buka sama sama. Syoknyeeeee!
Yeah, ni mmg common lah untuk semua orang kan.
Semua orang pernah rasa mcm ni during Ramadhan.
Same goes to me.

But, there is one thing I could never forget.
It was last year's Ramadhan.

Well, i first met this makcik masa tu dekat cafe admin matriks Johor.
Mula mula, just went there with my friends, and have some foods to eat.
But then, things changed.
We started to talk to each other. Talk about tu lah, ni lah.
And I started to know her family memebers.
We were so close that time.
And so, I decided to help her to sell her Roti John kat bazar.
Fyi, bazar tu bukan dekat mana pun, dalam kolej je.

Ha, macam macam makanan yang kami jual tau. Air pun sama.
Korang nak apa?
Nasi ayam? Nasi ayam penyet (ke penyek? hihi)? Nasi Ambang?
Apa lagi?
But I was in charge for Roti John.

I made it all by myself tau.
Start dengan rotinya, butter, daging, telur, sos, sayur, mayonnaise semua lah!
It was tiring, but I had a lot of fun.
It was a new experience for me, And i liked it!
I really gave my all masa menjual semua semua tu.
And thanks to my skill, I grabbed a lot of attention when I was making the Roti John.
hihi perasan ke? :DD

I dont know lah, but people seem to like my style of doing it. Ecececehh.
Come on, I tak lokek sauce and telur and sayur and all that.
Masa tengah buat pun dah tak tahan nak buka sebenarnya hehe.
Anddd, maybe I ikhlas buat roti tu kot.
Ramai gila yang order sampai roti pun tak cukup dah.

So, conclusion = keikhlasan tu membawa banyak untung lah kan haha merepek!

And, another thing, actually ramai yang datang beli sebab dipaksa haha ye ke?
Tak tau lah kan.
Tapi thanks to my "communication skill" jugak, I yelled at my friends suruh dorang stop by at our stall tu.
And some of them, tengok tengok je terus beli. ngeee :D
Mmmg rasa puas bila tengok orang ramai beli makanan kat gerai kita.

It was my first time doing such things.
I could see many types of people.
I could enhance my communication skill towards people.
And I also I learned that it is not easy to find money.
One has to work really hard, REALLY :D

It was such an amazing experience for me. And i really miss those moments :')

PS // Makcik, walaupun kita dah jarang contact, trust me, i will always remeber you and your family! <3

Bersederhana je

Okay, this year punya raya.
I didnt buy much, like before before ni kan.
I just buy things that I really need to have for raya.
Thats all.
Hm. what do you think?
I really think that this is one of the ways for me to learn to appreciate money. lol.
Betul kan? Haaa betul lah tu.

My shopping for raya dah settle.
Then after raya, baru shopping untuk masuk college.
Seriously kena beli kemeja because I dont have many kemeja hihi.
But still, no wasting wasting money tau dila :P

Somebody.

Yeahh. I miss blogging. Come on, seriously memang jarang lah nak update blog sekarang. Kalau dulu, peh everyday update kan hihi :D

Im sorry, its either Im just too busy/tire or Im just too lazy/not in the mood to post stories. Hm.

But no worries, I will not gonna abandon my blog. Nahhh.

Okay, Ive been resting and lepak-ing and socializing kat rumah ni for like 3-4 months already. And I am seriously bored. Everybody here is working. My dad, my mom, my brother. And my younger sister and brother pulak schooling kan. So, its just me and my bibik heheh.

So far, sepanjang cuti nih, theres a lot of things that I did actually.
Sampai nak cerita pun dah tak teringat dah hihi. But most importantly lah kan, I miss my friends soo much. I have a lot of friends. But well, semua dah ada their own commitment kan, so everybody is kind of busy, andd.. you knowww. Cuti pun tak lama. well. what to do. But im still happy cause at least, we're still in contact! :D

I miss all of my friends. But ada certain friends that i miss the most. Lets see..

Guys, this is Siddiq. PLKN brought us together. We were in the same company (ALPHA) and from time to time, we get to know each other secara rapat. During PLKN tu tak lah rapat sangat, but after that, we keep in touch through skype, facebook. we chat, we talk, we video call, and we even sing together. Awhh i miss all those times I have had with him. He's a great friend. Im just so lucky to have a friend like him. I can talk about.. like, everything with him. Siddiq, rindu kau ngeng :D

And this is Amy. We used to study in the same school for three years. We use to be classmates. We used to talk about our mother, a lot, sebelum van datang amik kitorang balik sekolah haha. Im not that close to her. Kalau compare dengan kawan kawan lain, dia ni kira yang so-so lah. But since ktorang keluar haritu, tiba tiba jadi rapat semacam pulak. heh? haha. shes just crazy. reaaaalll crazy.. and nice too! Amy, aku rindu kau, kau tau tak? :D

Alaaaa banyak lagi lah kawan kawan yang dirindui nih. Belambak. But CURRENTLY, these two yang aku rindu gila, tatau nape haihh.

But guys, kalau korang ada terbaca post ni, dont get me wrong okay. Korang pun aku rindu jugaaakkk :')

Take Care, xoxo

Ugh.

Kecewanya hati ni bila malam kelmarin aku tertidur.
Masa tengah berzikir, tiba tiba mata ni terlelap.
Terus tertidur.
Hm, takpe, mungkin bukan rezeki aku malam tu.
Setidak tidaknya I've tried to stay up.
Cukup lah untuk mendapatkan keredhaanNya.

Hari ni pulak,
Badan aku, otot otot tulang sendi semua penat.
Petang tadi ada aktiviti dengan mama.
Tengahari baru sampai rumah.
Ingatkan balik boleh tidur, so that malam ni boleh la stay up untuk Lailatul Qadar,
tapi rupa rupanya tak boleh tidur.
Mama pun cakap benda yang sama.

Memang sangat penat sampai nak buka pun dah tak larat nak makan.
Masya'Allah.
Tapi tu lah, still I couldn't sleep.

Its okay maybe semua ni ada hikmahnya.
Walaupun badan ni penat sangat,
tapi dengan izin Allah, harap harap malam ni aku masih dapat beramal soleh sempena malam malam terakhir Ramadhan ni.

Insya'Allah. Tuhan tu Maha Berkuasa.
Semua ni pasti ada hikmahnya Dila.

Izinkan Aku

Ya Allah!

Sempena malam malam terakhir Lailatul Qadar ni,
Kau berikan lah aku kesihatan tubuh badan, ketenangan jiwa dan akal fikiran,
serta kurniakan lah aku petunjuk dan hidayahMu.

Sesungguhnya aku ni terlampau banyak dosa.
Terlampau banyak, Ya Allah.

Izinkan aku untuk mendekati diriMu ya Allah.
Izinkan aku untuk mengabdikan namaMu dalam hatiku ya Allah.
Izinkan aku untuk sentiasa mengingati dan mensyukuri segala nikmatMu ya Allah.

Berilah aku peluang untuk bertemu dan merasai syahdunya malam Lailatul Qadar ini Ya Allah.
Berilah aku kesempatan untuk aku beramal soleh pada malam yang mulia ini ya Allah.
Celikkan lah mata ini, Kuatkanlah tubuh badan yang lemah ini.

Insya'Allah.