20/JohorBahru,Malaysia/A blogger since 2008/Professional and Intellectual Accountant to be.

Dear Nurin,

First of all, I just want you to know that I actually have no idea what Im going to say here, Really. I just thought that maybe you need some support or advice or anything lah that can comfort you.


Yep, this post is basically about your (our) past. I hope you dont mind. But if you do, just ignore tau. hihi.

Sorry kalau buat kau teringat semula kisahkisah lama yang pahit tu.
But just take this words in a positive way okay.
I just wanna share some stories, some pains, and all those feelings that I've felt all this time. And how can I get over it. (well, im still trying though)
Well, I dont know how to start but I think you should know a lil bit of my stories so that you will not be confused hehe.

So, I was in a relationship with this one guy, my schoolmate at Sakti masa late 2010. Tak lah lama sangat, setakat setahun lebih je, cant really remember.

For your story, I dont know whether you've been betrayed by him, or he suddenly wanna break up for no reasons, or whatever. I dont know. But one thing for sure, I really can understand your feeling. As for my story, simple je. I did a mistake. He forgive me, but he said he would never gonna come back to me again. And that was very frustrating/sad/disappointing and all.

Hmmm.
When he's not around, aku mmg ada rasa lemah sikit.
I cried EVERYDAY. All day long. Trust me.
I cried and cried and cried for almost three months.
I called him many times, and text him very often.
Just to know what was he doing and of course, to not let him forget me.
I was really hoping for my second chance, too bad, I didnt get any.

It was a very hard time for me.
Just imagine, pergi kuliah menangis, dalam kuliah menangis, keluar kuliah pun menangis.
Dalam bilik pun menangis mcm orang gila sampai my roommates semua tatau nak buat apa dah.
I skipped my meals. That time, mcm tade selera nak makan.
My eyes, mmg dah mcm panda eyes, my face looked vey pale.
my classmates masa kat matriks were wondering what had happened to me.
Assignments semua jangan cerita lah, memang tak buat. Buat mana yang tau je.
Even my lecturers suruh I jumpa doctor.
FOR THREE MONTHS, nurin.
All I ever think about that time, was him.

All the pain that I've felt, Only God knows how sakitnyaa, sayunyaaa, sunyinya hati ni.
Wherever I went, whatever I did, he will always gonna appear infront of me. Mesti terbayang dia. Kadang kadang sampai cakap sorangsorang kononkonon dia ada kat sebelah.
I keep on checking his FB's wall and skype.
Because that was the only way that can make me know what was he up to.
I really regret losing him, I just wanted him to know that I still love him so much.
(masa tu lah)

Lepas we broke up, I was not the girl that I used to be anymore.
I started to minimize my friends.
I didnt really care about anybody anymore.
I didnt talk much and yeah, I was not really interested in guys.
I just need my parents. Thats all.

Yeah, memang sedih/kecewa sangat.
Lagi sedih hati ni bila dapat tau he now has a new gf.
The hell kan? Haha.
Masa tu mmg tak boleh describe lah feeling ni.
HANCUR BERDERAI.
Rasa mcm tak boleh nak cantumkan balik all the pieces too. really.
Beacuse masa tu I was really trying hard to get him back, tapi dia dah ada yang lain.
Lagi sedih and lagi banyak air mata. sampai dah tak cukup air mata hihi.
Eventough my friends semua pujukpujuk and tried to make me laugh/be happy, jauhhhhh dalam hati ni, masih rasa sedih.
I boleh ketawa, tapi ketawa tu mcm fake. I rasa, kalau I dapat dia balik, baru I boleh happy se-happy happy-nya.

But.. time after time, until now, Im starting to get better.
I tried to forget him by making myself busy.
Lepak with my friends, pergi shopping lah and etc.
Kalau tibatiba I teringat pasal dia, I will immediately distract myself dengan sengaja.
I dah tak sms/call dia.
Apa lagi nak check facebook dia tu semua kan.

Masa ni lah baru I sedar yang kita ni, perempuan, memang sangat kuat.
Kekuatan kita terletak dalam diri kita. Bukan pada luaran.
Kalau I tak kuat, I takkan mungkin dapat lupakan orang yang I paling sayang.

Dia sangat baik orangnya.
Tak pernah mengongkong/marah.
I love talking to him. I miss talking to him.
I can tell him everything. EVERYTHING.
cause dia sangat memahami.
I know he still loves me. And he knows I still love him.
But we just couldnt get back together.
It would be very awkward. Come on, it has been one year dah since we broke up.

But sometimes, I do feel like I dont wanna have anything related to him anymore.
I mean, macam..
I wanna block him from my facebook.
I wanna throw away his shirts and all his gifts.
I wanna delete his number from my cellphone and all.
sebab, thinking of him doesnt make me remember all of the good/sweeet memories of us, It will only make me remember about all the pains Ive felt.

BUT I JUST CANT. WHY? sebab jauh jauh jauh dalam hati ni, masih ada rasa sayang.
Biarlah I je yang tau. Dia tapayah tau pun takpe. Lagi satu, for me, I rasa mcm tak baikbuat mcm tu. I didnt throw it, but I keep it in a place yang tertutup so that I tak selalu nampak. Kalau nampak nanti, mesti rasa sedih.

Yeah, as what I told you before, we may forget all the memories with him, but we could never fix the scar in our heart. And there's still this one little tiny space in our heart, just for him.
I dont know bout you, but now, everytime I think about him, hati ni mesti automatically rasa sakit sikit.


Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tak jealous tengok couple couple kat luar tu.
Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tanak cari lelaki lain.
Tipu lah kalau I cakap I tanak rasa disayangi mcm dulu.
You know, I miss all that cute/common things yang kita buat dengan boyfriend.

eg ;
bergayut tengah malam
texting manja manja pastu senyum sorangsorang
kena panggil "sayang" and all that

Tapii.. I dont think its the time yet.
Kadang kadang rasa macam bazir masa pulak.
Hati sendiri pun tak terjaga, ni lagi nak jaga hati orang lain.
Lagi pun, I dah mcm trauma dengan kejadian dulu tu.
Im afraid I'll go through the same pain again, or even worst? Who knows kan.
So, to be safe, I'd rather not to have any relationship right now.
I just wanna focus on my studies and just be friends with everybody.
Its not a shame pun kalau takde boyfriend.
I leave all this kind of thing to God because he knows whats best for me, for us.

Past is past. Theres nothing we can change about our pasts.
But the future now depends on us. Kan?
So kalau tanak benda yang sama berulang lagi, better be careful and always take care of ourselves.


You know, sometimes I rasa semua ni mmg patut berlaku.
Sebab this pain memories make me discover another new side of me.
Its not easy to be strong.

Tuhan tu kan Maha Bijaksana.
Mesti semua ni ada hikmahnya.
Cuma kita nampak ke tak nampak hikmahnya.

Nurin, I dont know whether this helps your or not.
But I do hope that you can get rid of your past.
And live your life to the max!

And remember, bukan kita yang rugi kehilangan dia.
Tapi dia yang rugi kehilangan kita :)

xoxo Take Care!

PS // Baru perasan blog kita sama design lah hehe.

1 comment:

nuryn radzuan said...

ya allah thanks for the post dila. i really appreciate it, a lot! my sad story tu dah lama dah jadi, tp still makes me hurt. my ex-bf left me for someone else which is for, i can't accept it at all. we've been together for almost 3 years. i guess that's my fault because of my hectic schedule. i was like you. stalker dia and all but after sometime i rasa he don't deserved this. i mean, buat ape kita bazir masa jadi stalker speneuh masa dia kan? baik i think of my future. too me, he's like the 'other' me, i can also talk anything to him. even my dark secret and he's very good in keeping secrets. but then, he did go for another girl and i guess i need to move on. dah la dia minta break up time my final exam last semester. macam tak sabar sangat. that's why i'm so hurt by him. i really thought that i'm going to leave him for another guy tp i yg got dumped by him.

dila, in the next 5 years, maybe we'll found someone new and this thing akan jadi satu pengajaran and and i guess we're going to laughing hard after thinking what we've done before.

take care too! assalamualaikum.